Motherhood is something I have wanted the longest in my life. Ever since I was a toddler, I wanted to be a "mommy." I played with dollies like they were my babies. I started babysitting at an early age. I absolutely, positively LOVE children! I have always spent more time interacting with kids than adults. OK~I know I just really like kiddos.
THEN, at age 21 I was a rebellious "Christian College" student who just graduated. It was time to Part-Y? I really don't know why I got so "wild" back then. I was living with a friend, and her and I for some reason weren't getting along as well, so I hid behind that reason and stayed most nights at my "boyfriend's" house. I say that in quotes because he was pretty much just someone to party with. I drank a lot, worked at a gas station, and just was living life. I knew I was living a "worldly life of sin." So, one night I just prayed for a way out, and the VERY NEXT DAY~ I kid you not, my sister called and asked me to move to Tennessee to live with her. She was accepting a job down there. Can I just say, "Amen" to that. It was completely an answer to prayer. However, once we were down there...a few weeks later, the pee test revealed I was pregnant! I was scared, afraid, worried, and freaking out (among all the other feelings)! What was I going to do? This was not at all what I dreamed of as a young child! What did I do? To sum up a longer story, I got myself put together...and my sister, her daughter, and I moved back to MN. Things were really rocky with my unborn baby's dad and I. I saw a mentor at the Crisis Pregnancy center. It turns out she went to my home church. She was great! I decided (and prayed over) to go in front of our church with a confession. I knew it was the Biblical thing, and I also didn't want anyone talking around about it...just to get it out in the open. That was a very hard thing to do. I didn't say all that I wanted to, because I was bawling like crazy. The sweetest and most loving thing my brother did, was he came up to the pulpit, and wrapped his arm around me. WHAT A SUPPORT LINK! I know that having a child out of wedlock and sex before marriage was wrong, but God gave me a blessing~Nathaniel~out of a choice that I made.
From that moment on in the pregnancy, I just fell completely, and utterly in love with my baby. I no longer worried about how everything would work. I knew God would be with me. I had looked into and prayed about adoption. I just wanted the best for my baby, and to offer my baby what I thought I couldn't give. God showed me the answer was to raise my baby and trust him.
When it was time to welcome my baby into the world, I had the best nurse. She was a Christian and in BSF (Bible Study Fellowship) with my cousin. She was such a great coach and encourager. My friend, Naomi, was my labor coach, and she was so loving and caring. (THANKS NAOMI). I will have to share all of my labor stories sometime, but with my first baby...I pushed for 20 minutes. They said that was good for first time mom. When I heard him cry, and they put my precious little miracle on my belly, I just fell so in love! I never knew such love existed. I mean, I love my parents, family, niece's and nephews...friends...but my baby? My own flesh in blood, my dear sweet Nathaniel. He was such a blessing to me! God has given me such a wonderful son! God chose me for him, and him for me! I wish I could get pictures of my first little baby, Nathaniel, on here. He is now 9 years old. He is growing up so fast!
What I didn't know about Motherhood when I wasn't a mom...but I know now is:
*absolute, complete unconditional love.
*loving beyond measure.*such a great protection and fear for them.
*I am the most influential person in their life (that is great, and terrifying!)
*I am solely responsible for them 24/7...and I am always their source of guidance.
*I know when they are hurt, sometimes even before they do.
*I know when they wake up, without hearing them first.
*If someone mistreats, hurts, or is "mean" to my kid, I want to beat them up...even if they are a kid, too.
*I understand sacrifice on such a greater level! Sacrifice of sleep, money, will power, personal pleasures, time...etc. But aren't our kiddos worth it?
*I didn't realize I would actually love to wake up in the middle of the night to nurse my babies.
*I didn't realize I would go into my kiddo's room to check on them time and time again...just to watch them sleep. (or to make sure they are still breathing)
**I really didn't realize that Motherhood carried so many job titles: nurse, teacher, psychologist, referee, cook/chef, maid, caretaker, clown, cheerleader, and now beautician (with my first little girl).
I know I missed several "jobs" in my list.
*Being a MOM is the best, and most rewarding job! My dream from childhood is true. I am a mom to three wonderful children! All of them are such amazing works of God's hands. He has given me more than I could have wished for! I wouldn't say that I am done having kids, but it is all in God's hands. :)